Reverse culture shock here

It's been 2 years since we moved to Hungary after 12 years living in the US and in Italy. 

After living away from "home" for so long I'm all too familiar with culture shock and homesickness. But to be honest, I'm not even sure where HOME is anymore... We lived in Hungary, in Italy and in the US and wherever we are we always miss the other two places. Totally normal, right?

I am a little surprised, to be honest that this phase of reverse culture shock hasn't passed yet. 

(Reverse culture shock is the emotional and psychological distress suffered by some people when they return home after a number of years overseas. This can result in unexpected difficulty in readjusting to the culture and values of the home country, now that the previously familiar has become unfamiliar.) 

I was born and raised in Hungary. Got married to an American and moved overseas at the age of 26. So between the ages of 26 and 40 I lived in either the US or Italy. 

So basically most of my adult life I lived away from my home country. I had kids, jobs, raised a family, payed bills, dealt with government and learnt to be an adult abroad. 

When we moved back to Hungary I felt very lost. I felt like a child who doesn't know how to do anything. I missed all the familiar things, stores, people, driving, but knew that eventually I would learn how to live here and would get used to things here. But after two years I still feel unsettled and anxious. Will I ever readjust?

A thought on bully

I put down Marcus for his morning nap, Benjamin was watching PBS and eating his Nutella sandwich/ strawberries breakfast, I finished folding laundry, washing, drying, putting away the dishes, making the beds, tidying up the house so I felt it was time for me to sit down for a few minutes to eat my breakfast and read my devotional. (Yea, if you are a mama, everything else comes first, and when everything else is taken care of for the moment it is your turn. But only until you are needed again. Probably in the next 10 minutes, hehe)

So anyway, I made my Earl Grey, grabbed my journal and opened up my devotional. I'm doing Our Daily Bread these days. In the craziness I have just enough time to read it and meditate upon it during the day. Today's message was on bullying and on speaking up for the bullied. It talked about how there are actually 3 parties involved in bullying. The one who bullies, the one who is being bullied..and the one who stands by and doesn't speak up in defense of the bullied. I found myself being the stander-byer (is that a word?) in school several times. I didn't speak up. It was safer to hide behind the bullies. I guess I didn't want to become the next one being bullied? There was a girl in my class in elementary school who was always picked on for something. She was an easy target, average looking, didn't wear the latest fashion and her mom came in to the school a few times and threw tantrums over something, yelled at the teachers, that sort of thing. So this didn't really help her unpopularity. I remember, she always sit in the first row, alone, because no one would sit by her. She would NEVER answer back to the mockers, she would just quietly endure whatever we threw at her. She happened to be in my class again for the four years of high school. And guess what happened! The same thing over again! She was the target of our mockery, teasing (brutally), bully but she never once said anything unkind to us. On the contrary. Every time we would ask to copy her homework just before class she would willingly help. What the heck! Thinking back I am so ashamed of being one of the mockers, or if not the mockers, the stander-byers. I never stood up for her, or quieted the bullies, and I called myself a Christian. I grew up in a Christian home and I knew better than that!

Every time I visit home in Hungary I see her working at the supermarket. We chat for a few minutes, just general stuff, nothing personal...but I would like to just give her a hug and apologize for all the hurt we have caused her. The only thing that held me back was a thought, that maybe she wouldn't want to hear that, that it would embarrass her or something li really don't know. Just because it would make Me feel better does not mean that it would make Her feel better too, you know?

Well, I don't have the answers. But I know this, bullying is a terrible thing and I will never stand by without speaking up again. Jesus experienced bullying on the worst degree. They beat him, mocked him, humiliated him...killed him! Yet he endured.

I also wonder...what would happen if I found myself on the bullied side at some point? How would I react? What would I say? Do?

In which I can't find my favorite Korean supermarket and my baby turns 3 months old

I decided to go to my favorite Korean supermarket today to pick up some stuff we like. I love their sticky rice, korean BBQ sauce or Bulgogi sauce, sesame seeds, sesame oil etc. it's been a couple years so I wasn't 100% sure which of the 9 korean supermarkets I used to love, but I had a strong suspicion it was Lee's. I put the address in the GPS, I drove there but when I looked at the store I didn't recognize it from the outside. So I didn't even bother going in. I was really confused, didn't know how to find "my" store. So I started driving around to each of the other Korean stores just to realize neither of them was the one I was looking for. After like an hour of driving up and down on Division Avenue I decided to go home. I had to pass Lee's supermarket again...and all the sudden I recognize the building!! Geesh!!! It was right there the whole time, "my" store and I drove by it several times! Ugh! Annoying!

Here is the loot!

Also, some barley tea, yum yum. 

My baby turned 3 months old today. Hip hip hurray! 

I decided it was time to start feeding him some rice cereal. Man, he loved it! 

He kept pushing his little tongue out a hundred times. He was licking the spoon and trying to grab it out of my hand after every "bite". So I alternated two spoons.

THIS little guy is 3 months old today! 😊😊😊🐝🐝🐝

Oh come on just one good selfie...

I think not.

So here he is... being all cute and everything. 

I'm expecting great things tonight. I fed him like three times between 6 and 8 and  there was cereal in his milk too!

Hoping for a good nights sleep finally...after 3 months. 

Turn your day around

Cranky baby, cranky mama, cranky day. I'm all too familiar with those days. Every day has its challenges and highlights. Even when I feel like it's too much and this is the worst day ever, I must remember that every day is a gift! Every day is a blessing, an opportunity to learn the unique lessons of that day and to be thankful. 

Any day can be turned around if I have the right attitude and I try to get the most out of it. 

Here's 10 ideas how to turn the day around:

1. Be thankful 

Focus on what you DO have instead of what you DON'T. 

2. Center yourself

Some stretches, some deep breaths. Repeat the phrase, "It will all pass." Give some hugs.

3. Set the timer for 10 minutes

Hard to get away from the kiddos and get stuff done during the day? Set your timer for just 10 minutes several times a day and accomplish some tasks. It's amazing how much i can get done in such a short time if i focus my energy. I can take a shower, empty or load the dishwasher, vacuum around, gather the laundry, make and eat a snack, check my emails, change my clothes that have spit-up all over it...

4. Find joy in music

Sing and dance. It's okay.

5. Recognize your frustrations and leave them behind (for now)

Choose to "tuck them away" until the kids go to bed

6. Get outside

Fresh air will do us all some good. Find beautiful things to marvel at and put on Instagram

7. Shake up the day

Do something you usually wouldn't do. We started doing a simple picnic at the park with the boys once a week and it is most wonderful. I try to go on a nice day, not when it's blazing hot. We put a blanket under a tree and just relax. And eat. And laugh. It is a special time. And it doesn't cost a penny. 

8. Find a way to help someone else

It is nice to take my focus off myself once in a while and find a way to be an encouragement or help to someone who needs it. I need to ask God for help on this one, I pray that He would bring the person to me who needs me. 

9. Put down the parenting books and trust your intuition

Look at your situation and do what you think is best in the moment. Especially if you are a mom, trust your instincts.

God wired us this way. 

10. And finally... Forgive yourself

No mom is perfect. Your kids love you. Forgive yourself, forgive others around you and try again. 

You can always find a way to make the day better and turn things around. Remember, you and your kids will not remember whether all the dishes were put away that morning, if you wore make-up that day, or even if you had a fancy lunch or just a sandwich. 

What you all will remember at the end of the day is if you had fun, if you laughed, if you had some meaningful conversations. I must remind myself of this lesson every day as I like things organized, my house clean and tidy and I like to wear make-up. 

It is also a great thing to model to your children, teaching them how to turn a day around, how to see the beauty everywhere and be thankful for each  day. 

Here is my cranky baby today... napping when he is supposed to be eating, fussing when he is supposed to be napping and eating when he is supposed to be playing. 

I feel like his schedule was a disaster today. The good news is: I have a new day tomorrow and I can try again. 

Xoxo❤️

~Edina

Original article and list that inspired me 

http://www.momentsaday.com/top-10-ways-for-stay-at-home-moms-to-turn-a-bad-day-around/

Baby shower for Marcus

My lovely sisters-in-law, Tammy and Amy threw us a baby shower today. It was all ladies from the family so it was a little family reunion as well. I loved seeing everybody!

The food... well, the food was awesome! Buffalo shredded chicken with bleu cheese in the bun, vegetables and dips, fruit and lemonade. And a cake that matched the room'so decoration. It was all very nice and fun. 

People took turns holding Marcus. He wasn't complaining. 

Here he is with aunt Tammy.

Aunt Joyce...

...and grandma.

He got loads of cute outfits and toys, tethers and diapers, lullaby machines and blankets. All very useful gifts. And yes, even the froggy hat on his head which is super goofy and I love it! 

Nap training

I managed to capture this moment yesterday while little Marcus was napping. 

I have been attempting to nap train him. He tends to wake up after his first sleep cycle and has a hard time soothing himself back for the second cycle. I'm not sure what to do exactly so i try different things, rock him, hold him, walk around with him or put him in the swing. I'm pretty sure I'm confusing him big time. My methods don't work most of the time and the result is a cranky, confused baby. And an exhausted and overly emotional mama. 

Anyway! The rare occasion occurred yesterday that he managed to dose off in the swing. I walked around him on my tiptoes, I hardly even dared to breathe to not wake him up. Then all the sudden he started smiling. Freaky...at first. Then I started gazing at him and he kept smiling, giggling even at times and I just couldn't take my eyes off of him. My heart was full. How can he be so cute and naughty (meaning: not napping) at the same time?

Wild flowers, brothers and other nice things

So far this is my favorite picture of the two of them. I love seeing the gentleness in Benjamin as he handles Marcus. I love seeing the huge change in his attitude toward the baby. He used to keep his distance and did not really want to "descend" to the "level" of a baby. It was "beneath him". He was six and a half years old, a "medium-size boy" after all. He went from not wanting to touch him even to proudly telling everyone "this is my brother"! He gets down on the blanket and plays with his little brother. When Marcus cries while Benjamin is watching his show, instead of complaining about the noise, he gets up and gently talks to him to comfort him and gives him his pacifier back. 

To see these clear expressions of love and care between the boys fills my mama-heart to the brim. 

Marcus is lifting and holding his head pretty well now. I wonder when he will start rolling around. Although I'm in no rush. I really enjoy this period of his life. He smiles at me in the morning; those shy and mischievous little smiles tell me how happy he is to see me after a long dark night. (I hate nights at this point, I'm not gonna lie)

Flowers from husband "just because". The other day he came home from work with these beauties. I feel like such an idiot now... When he came home he was hauling some stuff inside and sent the flowers in with Benjamin. Then when he came inside in a little bit I forgot to mention and thank him for the flowers. I was loading the dishwasher or some such nonsense. Ugh... Not cool! 

These days I think a lot about life and how quickly it changes sometime. I should be so much more appreciative of my husband who is a good man who wants to follow God and who loves his family. 

I don't care about jewelry, "romantic" dinners out, a big bouquet of red roses or whatever else culture tells us "romance" is. I appreciate this little bouquet of wild flowers more than anything. (I wonder where he picked them...)

My "medium-size" six and half year old. 

We were going to the library when we spotted this baby across the road. Seriously now, how cool is that ride! Benjamin of course immediately easily volunteered to pose with the car. 

Fathers' Day

It's Father's Day and I am so thankful for the father of my sons. They (well, Benjamin and Scott since Marcus is tiny) go fishing, play soccer and video games, fix toys, go on bike rides, explore trails, go on adventures, watch super hero shows, read the Bible together... I mean he is REALLY THERE for them!! I love him!!❤️

After church we went out to the Holland state park beach for a picnic with friends. Lake Michigan was so fogged over, I've never seen anything like that. The fog usually lifts from the water in the morning, doesn't it? Well anyway, we all got sun burnt because we didn't put sunscreen on. Duh!!

Marcus baba was so cute, he slept and ate and behaved altogether really well on his first beach outing. We even dipped his toes in the warm sand. I think he really liked that. I really need to pick up some sun hat for him tomorrow. He was mainly in the stroller under an umbrella today but we definitely need something for this summer. 

Taking stock

FAVORITE FOOD/ GUILTY PLEASURE: beef empanaditas
DRINKING: raspberry water
LOOKING: out the window and its rainy, muggy, overcast again today. I wanted to take the boys out to the park but now I don't know.
LOVING: the AC in the house
LISTENING: to the old German clock ticking in the kitchen. That's the only sound this morning as the boys are sleeping and Scott is reading his Bible quietly across the table
WISHING: it was 68 degrees and sunny 364 days a year
WANTING: to be the best wife and best mama I can be.
STARTING: a new kind of eating. Clean and healthy.
EATING: oatmeal with cinnamon, raspberries, strawberries and blueberries
NEEDING: a day off of mama duties. Although an hour into it I would probably start missing my sweet babies

Major life changes and Marcus' birth story

Major life changes. That's one way to put it.
In the last few months we have lived in three different countries.
Leaving Italy was necessary, nevertheless hard. Hard to leave our neighbors, friends and our little town, Petacciato. It was also hard to see Benjamin struggle with pain over having to leave his little classmates and friends. He is just old enough now to feel the pain of goodbyes. It about broke our hearts when on the last day in Italy we spotted him cooped up in the corner of the couch, holding his class photo, that they made especially for him, and cry. We were all heartbroken. We had to leave but it doesn't mean it was easy. We spent 19 months in Italy and had many beautiful memories. The sea...ohh the sea...was absolutely gorgeous. Driving to church on Sunday mornings was always a joy. The sea was bright blue and twinkled in the morning sunshine. The people were always very nice and helpful to us. Especially our neighbors with whom we became good friends. I will miss the gelato, sitting out at cafes, the many cheap fashion magazines, the delis with hundreds of fresh and delicious prosciuttos and cheeses, the fresh ricotta, the all-year-around fresh and local fruits and vegetables from the market, our car, summer days at the beach, church friends, speaking in Italian.... just to mention a few. Our time there has come to an end but we will never forget the dear memories we were blessed with.
All three of us teared up as we drove through the Italian-Slovenian border. Goodbye Italy!
Then we arrived in Hungary. We stayed at my parents' house for exactly two month. To the day actually. How nice it was to be with them once again. A few weeks into our stay we had Marcus. His birth was one of the best experiences of my life. I am so glad we had decided to have the baby in Hungary instead of Italy. I had a private ob-gyn we visited a few times before the birth. He promised I would have an easy delivery. At 39 weeks we made one last  visit and he told me he thought I would have Marcus that weekend for sure. If not, we should come in on Monday morning and he would move things along a little bit. That scared me a little..."move things along"? what does that mean?? :) All weekend I was very excited, but nothing happened. Monday morning we went in, he examined me and assured me that I would have the baby that day. He told us to go out in the park, take a walk, then when the contractions start go to the hospital. Was he right! We got admitted in the hospital at noon. They did some tests, exams and got me prepared for the delivery. In Hungary they do a flushing and shaving. I was scared of these procedures, to say the least,  but it was really not that big a deal, and later on I really appreciated that them. At 3 PM I started having medium intensity contractions. At 4 PM the doctor broke my water. Then the real ones started coming. Between 4 and 4:45 I was in considerable discomfort.....okay, I was DYYYYing of labor pain. Meanwhile Scott was sitting in a comfy chair next to me reading the news. I'm sure he wanted to help but didn't dare to do anything. I clearly told him this time there wasn't to be any knee rubbing (like it was at Benjamin's birth. It drove me nuts, I swept his hand away and yelled at him DON'T!!!). Anyway, I'm sure he learnt his lesson. This was something I had to do. At 4:30 I was begging the midwife to send the anesthesiologist with my epidural. At 4:45 she finally came and after a few tries she successfully inserted the needle. They asked Scott to hold my shoulders and what did he do? He got sick. Shouldn't have looked at the big needle. So she finally got the needle in place and just when she did, at 5, my pushing pains started. She told me I only got a few drops of meds because there was no time. But it was enough for taking the edge off at the pushing. I actually don't even remember pain anymore once I started pushing. The doctor and the midwife both got ready quickly, they put on hats and gowns and I was like..what? baby coming already? After Benjamin's 20 hour labor I didn't think I was gonna be done so quickly. But yes, there I was pushing, doctor helping, and before I new it, after 3 pushing contractions, at 5:29 PM there was little Marcus Anthony. He was warm and slimy and beautiful. I stayed in the hospital for 3 days. I loved being alone in the room and loved having Marcus with me. Those first few days were really special, I completely fell in love with my baby.
We spent two months in Hungary. My mom was so helpful in everything. I didn't have to worry about cooking, cleaning or anything. She took care of everything. It was amazing!
Our time in Hungary was great. Benjamin loved playing with the dog, Folti. He would hide his little white ball and Folti would go nuts about it. He picked strawberries and cherries in my parents garden and went skateboarding with my brother. We enjoyed many Hungarian delicacies, cherry, poppyseed and cheese curd pastries, cherry sodas, flavored mineral waters, all kinds of Hungarian foods and snacks. We took many strolls and bike rides in town and had fun browsing through the German second hand shops.
It was hard saying goodbye to our family and friends but we knew it was time for us to move on.
We have been back to the US for two weeks now. In a way it was like we have never left. In other ways, we have changed so much in the last two years that we are looking at things with very different eyes now.
We are ready to settle down for a while and see what God brings in our way.

What it's really like to be 38 weeks pregnant

We put up weekly/monthly bumpies on facebook and smile, we wear a cute maternity outfit or a funny T-shirt, we emphasize our best features under the best lighting and people tell you how great you look. But what happens between these adorable belly-shots? We groan and moan and toss and turn and cry and demand and most importantly we anxiously awaiting the arrival of our sweet "little" baby.
I am totally pregnant, currently 38 weeks along, but doctor says I might be a week or two further. But who counts that anymore anyway! I just want to be done with being pregnant.
When people ask How are you feeling little mama? I respond Great! But how am I really feeling on an average day when 38 weeks pregnant?

1. I have to -literally- roll out of bed  and it takes usually 3-4 tries before I can get my feet on the ground, or grab something or someone to pull meself up. Not an easy feat.

2. My blood sugar drops immediately after getting up so I grab for the closest cookie or pretzel that is near to avoid passing out on the spot.

3. Getting dressed is part fun, part torture. I love dressing my baby bump, but putting socks on by myself is almost impossible now.

4. My hair and skin feels healthy and beautiful which is definitely a big plus+ thank you pregnancy hormones whoever you are!

5. Can't sit on a chair or at a table for more than ten minutes

6. My back hurts continuously!

7. Gotta go (run) to the bathroom every half hour.

8. My bladder is squished to the size of a raspberry and it feels like I am being stabbed with knives down there most of the time

9. Walking  or more like waddling is a chore.

10. Can't get comfortable, the bump is always in the way

11. I want to get stuff done but I am simply unable to finish much. I can sweep the floor but can't pick up the rubbish with the dustpan. I can make a hot foot bath but I can't carry it back to my room. I can waddle to the bakery but I run out of strength to waddle back home.
Any of this sounds familiar?

12. I didn't have much weight gain or swelling issues during this pregnancy which is also nice.

13. I have been faithfully drinking my raspberry leaf tea every day which is supposed to help in getting things ready for labor. Fingers crossed.

14. I want to scratch my face when (well-meaning) people tell me "You look sooo tiiiny!"  I feel HUGE and that's all that matters! :)

15. My hospital bag and Polkadot's bag is all packed and ready to go. So am I! But then doctor tells me it could be 2 days or 2 weeks still. And it's not something you wanna hear when you feel like you are gonna pop or fall over and give up at any given moment of the day.

16. I envy every other mamas walking around with their babies. When oh when is it gonna be MY turn??

17. Nothing seems important anymore other than starting (and finishing) labor. There is definitely something curious about craving, desiring, awaiting the most intense physical pain known to man (woman) just to be begging later for that 4'' long needle to be jabbed into our spine to survive the aforementioned labor pains we so desired for weeks before.

Men, do not try to make sense of all this.

18. I want to be served, like a princess, hot drink, cold drink, snacks, massages, foot rubs... but I also want to just be left alone in the quiet and rest. Poor husband... confused much??

Christmas present in April

❤️Isn't this little kitty bank adorable?❤️

Aunt Amy sent one to Benjamin for Christmas but it's still at my parents' house in Hungary. We didn't get it in time in the mail. He can't wait to get it in April!!

New beginnings

We just said goodbye to our language learning consultant a few days ago. She went back to Germany and we are ready to jump into our new language program. She left with us a good set of tools and inspiration for which we are so thankful. I have been feeling super discouraged about my Italian (and just life in general) since last September and I wasn't sure why. Now I know that it was partly because i simply didn't have any time anymore to put into Italian study and my plateau was the result of that. No input, no growth.
So we are back into full-time language study. Just this fact itself took away the majority of my stress I have felt in the last period of my life. Not being able to communicate on the level that I wanted to made me feel miserable. I feel like just in the last few days I have made more improvement than in the last 6 months. This might not be accurate but it feels that way. Maybe a simple confidence boost and a big dose of inspiration is all I needed. I don't know.
Here is Scott at his desk "massaging" the texts we got from our language session.

And here is little old me looking through some new materials I gotta work on.

Meanwhile sweet Benjamin is working on serious stuff, drawing superheroes.

And of course Carneval-time is here.

Coming home from church on Sunday. He wasn't of course wearing his Spiderman costume but he put on his mask in the car. It was actually pretty freaky seeing him in my rearview mirror....ugh...

Our first time eating Polenta. I know! We have been living in Italy for a year and a half now and still havent tried one of their local and national delicacies... It was our sweet neighbors who gave us some and it was very good! It had parmesan in it too, and the sauce had meat and sausage in it.

A very clear view of the big mountains around us.

Benjamin was invited to one of his classmate's birthday party at the mall. Happy Birthday Sofia!

It is always a good time to just sit and chat with the other mamas, get to know them, hear what they have to say, talk about school, family and other things. It is a great opportunity to practice the language and build relationships.

Benjamin was invited to one of his classmate's birthday party at the mall. Happy Birthday Sofia!

Calm yourself!

Almost 7 months pregnant!! Yay!!!

Next Thursday I'm entering the third trimester. Time goes so fast, hard to believe!! I'm getting more and more anxious about the labor and delivery. Mostly I guess because I have (obviously) never given birth in an Italian hospital. It's not like third world or anything like that, it is just different. I am not confident in Italian yet either, especially when it comes to medical terminology, ugh. I pray and hope that everything will go smooth, no major complications.

5 ways to calm myself down

1. Take a walk

Exercise is a great stress reliever in itself, as it helps to blow off steam and releases endorphins, they say. It can also provide you with some perspective so you can return in a new frame of mind. I like walking out with my phone and taking interesting pictures of buildings and plants. Then Instagram them. :) Walking is becoming harder and harder these days, my belly feels sooo heavy and sore. So I'm trying to take it easy and rest more. 

2. Take a breath

If you are not in a position to leave your house, like you have little ones, or not feeling well enough physically, you can feel better right away by practicing breathing exercises. Getting more oxygen into your body and releasing physical tension are two ways that breathing exercises can benefit you. Simple and works. When I find myself hyperventilating over stuff this can be an instant relief. 

3. Take a mental break

Steal away a few minutes and DO SOMETHING ELSE. Even dishes. Doesn't matter. Just hush away your worrisome thoughts. 

4. Evaluate your situation

Sometimes we just have to step back and look at our situation differently. If you can look at it in a different perspective, that might help you identify the real source of your stress and that in itself can be the first step in winning over it. I always ask Scott when in doubt or distress. "Could you please put this in perspective for me?" He is awesome at that. I always feel better about whatever BIG stress I felt before. Come on! It's not like I have to give birth in the jungle. It is a modern hospital with doctors and nurses to care for you! And yes, you can speak well enough!  

5. Pray

And finally the most important thing you can do: PRAY. God is infinitely loving and caring, who else would you discuss your problems with rather than with the One who made you?

Sometimes the source of stress won't change. You will. Trust Him to be with you in whatever circumstances you find yourself in. 

Chilly but sunny afternoon. We are going to a birthday party that Benjamin was invited to.

Super fun game

The Melchionda family

Best pizza I've eaten